He Said Part Four

Question: Was it a mistake because anything that even comes close to real intimacy freaked her out? Or was it that I was just not good enough?

She never called... She never texted... She’s gone... So I roll out of bed and I place my head in my hands and I notice my eyes are wet... I guess this is goodbye... I thought giving her space would allow her time to breathe and come back to me... but I think I slipped her mind, so I lay back down
And I'm thinking
What the hell just happened? How did we get here? Is she really gone? Maybe I should have fallen asleep with some flowers in my hands so in my sleep I would have been able to give those to her. I continue to fight myself. Can someone please tell me why this hurts so much?
I need to fight for her. But how? She won't pick up the phone or answer any texts and its not like we even fought about anything, ever. Is this her way of telling me its completely over?

She told me she needed time to find herself and that she needed me to be there, but now as a friend. I thought she still cared for me and I was willing to try, but now she's gone. And I am left laying here wondering why and how this happen.
I do understand there is no exact science to love or even life, but when something feels right and there is chemistry then why put up a wall and block everything out?
..
When you are dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.
-John Mayer

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He Said...Part Three

Question: How do you fix what you've messed up?

I lay here in complete silence...

Staring at the ceiling, I watch as shadows dance on my walls from the cars passing. I look over and there is a glow from my phone but it’s not her, the battery just completed its charge. It feels like it has been months since I've heard her voice but it’s actually only been two weeks. The pain is still fresh and I try to drift off to sleep.

Damn...

I miss her- everything about her from the tip of her nose to the way she smiles. I squeeze my pillow tighter and take a deep breath, just hoping I can still smell her. She has this aromatic scent when she enters and leaves a room. This has always brought a smile to my face. I miss the way she would look up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. The relationship although a whirlwind was filled with romantic nights, day trips, engaging conversations, fun-filled laughs, tear-filled confessions and most importantly, love.

Shhhit...

The memories flood my subconscious. A knot begins to form in my throat, my mind races. I sit and think what can I do to fix this? The answer is nothing. In that moment, I can hardly breathe. The irony is that I know how to help everyone else, but I can't help myself. Advice is my specialty. I want to accept this situation but I can't. I want to fix it, like yesterday.

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She Said...

Question:  HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE MOVING TOO FAST IN A RELATIONSHIP?

            You know that feeling you get when your eyes meet with someone else’s and it doesn’t waver? It’s like in the movies when everything is at a standstill, but you and that person and everything goes silent. That’s how it was when I saw Ron. I had noticed him when I walked in the restaurant, but then attended to my table as I was meeting some of my co-workers for drinks. But it was that one second where someone was talking at our table and I was listening but not really, and as I looked over my shoulder I saw him and our eyes locked. I smiled and he smiled and what a beautiful smile. One of those smiles where it should be on a commercial or Colgate paper ad.

            After it seemed like 30 minutes I turned my attention back to my company and joined the conversation. As I was chiming in I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Excuse me and sorry to interrupt your wonderful dinner, but have I met you before? As I tried to rack my brain I couldn’t think of knowing him from anywhere, but it didn’t matter because after seeing that smile I wanted to know him. “I’m sorry but I don’t recall seeing you or knowing you, but we live in a small place so we have probably crossed paths before”. Well, I don’t mean to bother you, but would like to buy you a drink when you get done with your friends?” “I would love to, I’m not sure how long we will be, but I sure would be up for that drink.”

            Three hours later and not noticing that bar stools were going up and waiters closing out their registers, Ron and I had become engulfed in our own world. We talked about living in the city, college roommates, and some more stuff. “Is there anything I don’t know about you Mr. Ron?” (Laughing) “I mean it seems we have covered all the bases, so let’s go down to city hall and make it official! Blank stares on both our parts and then we both busted out laughing. “Kataya, you seem to be a wonderful woman and I am baffled how you are still single.” “Ron, I could ask the same question.” “Well, I know we live in freakish times, but I would love to continue our conversation if you are up for it?” Now, In the back of my mind I thought, okay is he going to cut me up into little pieces and put me on a grill, but in a weird way I felt comfortable with him. His smile was a big part of it, but after our long conversation I felt at ease with Ron and decided to go for the ride.

            “I never thought that my night planned for drinks with co-workers would end up watching the sun come up on the bridge overlooking the park with a stranger?” “Well, it seems I am not a stranger anymore since you have spent the night with me.” We both busted out laughing again and he drew me in closer to that pretty smile and our lips touched to feel the warmth of our souls. At this point not only did everything go silent and stand still, but I lost myself and found him.

            “I really need to go home and act like I have a home”, “But why Kataya? You have everything that you need here which is pretty much me.” And Ron was not lying. Since that Friday night I had not left his sight or arms. It was Sunday night and I had not been home, hadn’t returned any phone calls, and lost my whole Sunday routine woman. “Ron, I have had the best weekend in my life and the crazy part is that I have never done this before and probably would have never done it, but I have go to go home and wear clothes again. Ron slang that Colgate smile at me again and I tingled all over forgetting my point to even leaving.

            “Babe, I am headed to work, so call me when you get off so that I can tell you where we are going to meet for dinner.” Ron said, from the front door. “No problem babe, I should get off around 4:30. We are meeting at that new dive bar right?” “Yes sweetheart and come dressed to impress as you always do!” This was literally day seven of this whirlwind and I was still spinning. Ron and I had spent every minute of every hour for the past week. I don’t even know how we fit work in there. This man had mesmerized me and diluted any premonitions I had about not believing in love at first sight. Was this real? Could this happen? Ron amazed me on how much we had in common and the things he believes in. We were both in the same industry and had some of the same hobbies. Does God really move this fast?”

            As I entered the restaurant I looked through the crowd to try and find Ron, but didn’t see him. Finally, I saw the back of him and I headed his way. As I reached the table I saw a couple already there and wondered why he didn’t mention that we were meeting his friends for dinner. As I stepped up to the table Ron stood up “Kataya, I would like you to meet my parents Lillian and Bill Mowry………My face must have turned ghostly. I thought in the back of my head, What the HELL!!

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He Said...Part Two

Question: How do you know if you've met your Soul Mate?

So I’m sitting here looking at her picture trying to figure out how to start this letter… How do I capture not only the beauty of her, but let her know how I feel…. I guess I could start by telling her thank you. I am saying thank you because she is everything I have ever wanted and everything I’ve prayed for. She is the quintessential essence of beauty; she has a strong yet gentle soul. Her love makes me feel whole. I love everything about her from the style of her hair, to the shape of her eyes and nose, the way she smiles under the shade of hair. I miss her beautiful red lips, the curves of her hips and every freckle on her face... Her eyes are the most beautiful brown; they are soft and sensual yet still dark and sultry. Her eyes are the place where I look... … not just because I can see into her beautiful soul but it’s a reminder of how amazing God is… because in that very moment I am able to recognize how truly amazing our love is… I miss her touch and the way she holds my hand when she misses my touch.

… She is someone I can share a laugh with, been a shoulder to cry, and she has been an ear to listen… She is patient and understanding, gentle, kind, forgiving and ohh so very sweet… She has the biggest heart and for that I thank you. she makes me a better man and I don’t know if she knows, but she is my heart and all she had to do was just be who she is… I want to let her know that her touch is more than just physical, but she is able to touch my soul…. and that is what excites me the most… I miss her. I miss what she brings into my life. She enhances every facet of my life… I want to grow with her and explore the depth of our love … I want the opportunity to give her the world. When I’m not near her I count down the seconds until I can see her again. I wanted her to be my, first last everything. And you should know that woman is YOU.

"We need to learn to love ourselves first in all our glory and our imperfections. If we can not love ourselves we can not open to our ability to love others or our potential to create..."
- John Lennon

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He Said...

Question: What do you do when the woman you love is in love with someone else?
"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough." - The Notebook

Things were going so well, or so I thought... if that were really the case then I wouldn't have this pain in my chest, tightness in my throat and my stomach feeling completely nauseous.... She dropped by my place tonight and what was initially supposed to be a romantic evening turned really bad really fast...

Halfway through our night I became overwhelmed by my appreciation for her that I grabbed her by the hand and promised that I would do everything in my power to make her happy for the rest of her life. Immediately after that she looked away..

When she turned back to me her face was wet and her eyes were filled with tears as they began to trickle down her cheeks and I knew that something was wrong. She didn't have the heart to tell me... but it was clear she was still in love with her ex....

Damn...

She didn't speak and I couldn't think of anything to say except... did I do something wrong? She told me no... that she was confused.... but one thing she knew for certain was that no man has ever come close to treating her as well as I could.... still she couldn't ignore her heart’s gravitational pull towards him and their shared experiences. She finally spoke and told me everything...

How am I supposed to pick up the pieces after this one ... My mother told me days like this were bound to come, but I didn't expect it to get this bad and hurt so much..

I need a drink...
If you don't mind I need some time to figure out how to begin to start over ...

Side note: Time went by, I healed and we remained friends... shortly after she was ready start the relationship again but at that time I was taking my time to reevaluate my life and how she impacted my heart... My trust in not only her but myself... Could this relationship ever work? Should I give this another shot? So I finally came to the conclusion that people make mistakes and I was ready. I forgave her a long time ago but I finally moved past the past so lesson learned. I wish I could say this story had a happy ending but life is not a fairytale , at least not yet anyway...

So I ended up ending that relationship and confronting myself with the actualization that I might have been searching for something that wasn’t meant for me. I took an intense look inward

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National Marriage Week

February 7- 14 is National Marriage Week and MyMarriageWorks.org an online based marriage site is giving away a free E-Book for married couples.

Click Here To Get Your Free Copy!

Happy Marriage Week!!!!

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Welcome To Love Theories!

It is our hope that you will find this blog to be useful in your efforts to understand the opposite sex. Check back often for posts about love, sex, relationships & more! Feel free to share your thoughts and your love theories too! Together we can strive to better understand one another.

Look forward to interesting stories and features that will display our perspectives, both male and female to be exact, and not just one-sided opinions. We look forward to the love dialogue!

-Kevana Nixon & Vince Sears, Your Love Theorists

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